Wednesday, September 2, 2009


I didn''t knew it'd be this long. Words just burst out of my mind while my fingers responded. And the whole post got longer and longer faster than I know.

RAMBLINGS beware. You have been warned.

'He might change his mind, you know your father, he's always like that.' My mum said.

'Hmph, I'm not so sure about it, especially when his son's future ada masalah.'


'If your brother and sister have exam on the next day, you shall stay at home.' He told me indifferently, with a tone that leaves me speechless to argue and persuade the night after our gruesome match with the Avengers. 'What are you still doing here? Go to sleep.' He ordered, with the same sh*tty tone which gives no chance for me to say anything.


That guy won't let me go to the last match.

Shit la.

Just because his son's future is at stake.

'You're the sister, you should teach your brother.'

Yeah right. How bout you? You're the father.

In case you don't know, or you chose to ignore it, he doesn't listen to us. Even if he listens, I'm sure if you teach him it'll be more efficient.

Is it my fault for not knowing that he don't understand 80% of his comprehension article? Is it my fault that he failed his BM 4 times straight in a row with only a single digit 8? (I know it sounds cool, being able to score an 8 4 times in a row...)

Thanks for your understanding, but why is it always us the ones to clean up his mess?

Why can't you do something? If you're so worried sick that your son might not get into Taman SEA, why don't you take action? And when I mean take action, it's not dumping us instructions and orders and throwing the responsibility of educating him to my shoulders, but to teach him yourself.

Yeah, when I go Ballet, you asked, 'Who's gonna look after your brother's studies?' You're concerned right? Then do something.

So ok, you don't have to pay for the Dodgeball competition, so it's OK that I don't go, because if I'm not at home, my brother will have nobody to look after him. Shit la.

Why can't you look after him?

If, you're not free or can't look after him, I don't mind staying at home, as retarded as he is, he's still my brother, I'll do my best to help him.

But you are not doing anything.

You give instruction, you have expectations, you don't monitor, you wait for the result. If it's good, you say nothing; if it's bad, there will be sufferings, for us, naturally.

Why risk the damage when you can avoid it?

You know bloody well he's not doing well, you know freaking well that he'll work harder under your supervision. Instead of giving us tons of lectures, beatings, and scolding about not teaching his son well, not informing him about his performance, and wasting so much of our precious time, why can't you just GO AND DO THE JOB YOURSELF?

Do you know how much time that would save?

And yeah, I should sacrifice myself since his future is far more important than a game of Dodgeball. Yeah right. You have a choice right? If I can't teach him, you can.

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TEACH HIM FOR ONE NIGHT AND LET ME DO WHAT I WANT FOR ONCE IN A WHILE? (It's not even a night. I'll be teaching him until 9 and leave for the game, there's only 1 hour for you.)

Do you have something important to do? I have no idea. As far as I know, you go surfing online for your Hi-Fi collection, nap, listen to music, smoke, and sometimes, answer a phone call.

Besides that, it's NOT EASY TO TEACH him. You know his mum, she yells at him almost everytime, and now she stopped since she's partially busy with her work and gave up on him.

I don't wanna yell at him.

I feel guilty and pity him when I do so. But sometimes he's just oh-so unbearable that I feel like thrashing everything around me. Or is it that you don't want to be the villain and gave me the task instead?

Shit la.

I don't know what he did in the past in school and at tuition. It seems like his brain is still empty. Except for maths, which he can get an A, as long as he doesn't make careless mistakes. (I am going to skin him if he doesn't get an A for maths) He's been having tuition since, Standard 3, for almost everthing.

While I started when I was 10 by only going for BM. Oh wait, let's not compare him to me.

After all these years of education and extra education, I really don't know what had he learned... *big sighs* Almost every question I ask him ends with a 'I don't know.' He never ask when he doesn't understand something, he never tells. And it takes years for him to finish a homework. His hand writing is horrible and unrecognisable. Despite that I complained to you, it didn't improve much and it's still as bad as ever.

And speaking of his handwriting, I think I'll stop telling you in the future. You want us to report his performance, and yet, I don't see any sort of benefit for me. If I complain, I get extra job to make sure he gets it done.

Like that night, I have to wait until 1am ++ for him to rewrite his bloody essay, which you claimed that I'm too slow in checking his handwritings. God, you DON'T even read his essay, because you COULDN'T stand it and DIDN'T bother to understand it. So I took over the job to read it, and made sure he rewrite some of it.

You were not happy when it took us so long to do the task.

'Why are you so slow?' You asked. 'I remember I instructed him to give his paper to you to check 15 minutes ago, why did you go upstairs? Did I not make myself clear? What took you so long to do the task?'

I went to check my sister while waiting for him to rewrite after I checked.

And you were angry because your son is taking his sweet time scribbling. You wanted to smoke, but we're there so you can't. You blamed me, for taking too much time in checking his pitiful paper.


You think it's enjoyable? To force myself to stay awake to wait for him to finish rewriting his bloody essay? To read it again and again and again to decipher his chaotic handwriting? I'd rather read my Harry Potter 20 times. And god, he writes at such a s.l.o.w. pace.

If that is what I get for trying to help him to improve his handwriting, I'm having second thoughts. It's not encouraging, to me at least. When I want to do good, I get scolded and get extra workload, which, no one appreciates. Not him, when he's forced to re-do his homework like hell; and not you, when you're so fed-up with our work efficiency. And I don't see why I should.

So why bother telling you again? Why bother trying so hard? Give me a good reason to do so.

So that my brother's future is secured? Please, to secured his future I have to get myself into that mess when there's actually a better way?

Or to get myself scolded again? To use my time doing something like that? It's not like I don't want to help him, but the way you do things, I'm the one responsible for his performance, and of course I'm the one you'd scold if something goes hay-wired.

Yeah, like that day. I told you that he kept his exam result at school for a whole month because he didn't dare to show us. You got all worked-up, naturally. And after you punished him, I got myself grounded. Wow. If I'm not mistaken, you were going to nap when I reported to you. If I didn't report, things would be different. You'd nap as planned, and I'd probably won't be grounded since I'd be asleep by the time you wake up.

Is it just me or what? It seems like everytime someone tells you that he's not being good, you'd scold, and punish if you could, others right after that.

What? You're not happy with your son. And you're just oh-so ired that you want to lash out on someone else? How many times did that happened before? Ha. I lost count already.

If that is what we get for helping him, can I just let him rot? You blame us for everything you could think of. Isn't that so? You'd find excuses for him.

'He's not smart.'

'He's 9 months younger than those of his age.'

BullSh1t. How many stories about people who are not smart made it to the top by working hard? Does Genting rings a bell?

seriously, why can't you do it for once?

I'm tired.

Let me choose, I'd rather clean Fluffy's cage everyday than to teach him for one hour.

'Remember to tell your friends that you're not going that night. You have to look after your siblings.' He reminded me. Siblings? Hah. More like my brother only. My sister has no problem getting herself motivated and doing things on her own. It's my brother.

Ah well, if he fails to squeeze into Taman SEA, it's not my problem, he's the one going to remove or whatever it is. And you'll be the one moaning about it. If only you'd do something, the ending might have been different. If and only if.

I feel like screaming and shrieking every curses I know and swearing at him. But there's no need for me to stoop that low because of him, right? Gotta keep my cool, it's not worth it.

I'm going to be freaking happy when UPSR is over.
And now, I feel a lot better.

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